10 Things Sex Toy Consultants Want You to Know, But Won’t Exactly Say to Your Face
By Pascale Le Bris of www.loveloveparties.com
These have all really happened to me in my last 6 years of business.
1. When you ask about how amazing my sex life must be. I may tell you it’s totally fabulous, but I’m a mom, wife, business woman, housecleaner, cook, part-time chauffeur and bookkeeper. How do you think my sex life is now?
2. When party sales finished at $150 with no bookings and you ask me how it went, I’m lying when I say “It was great!” You say “So how much free stuff did I get?” I say “Nothing. I’m sorry,” then cringe at the gas pump on the way. A party should be at least $300 for a sex toy consultant to be semi-pleased.
3. Fine, your boyfriend can stay at this “Girls Night In” since you’re insisting. But be aware. That squirming he’s doing in his chair during the demo is not what you think, hun. He’s not turned on. He’s actually REALLY uncomfortable. Send him on his way before the party, trust me.
4. When you come to the party, you should come prepared to shop. Above all, it’s a SHOPPING event. The hostess WANTS good sales to get free stuff. When you tell me that you will order online at home or call me with your order later, we know that there is a 99% chance that you won’t. Order AT the party, like everyone else.
5. If you live more than 2 hours from us, we are telling you that we “enjoy the ride” to be polite. We aren’t exactly going to come out and say “I’m afraid of wasting my time, so you better work for sales and make it worth our while!” So if a consultant is going to drive far, work extra hard for good attendance and outside orders. We REALLY appreciate that.
6. If you’re a hostess and put more emphasis on the food than our presentation and products, you’ll be running to the oven every 10 minutes to check on your wings while missing out on the laughs, games and intriguing sex info. Opt for non-oven finger foods and a big punch bowl where everyone can help themselves to drinks. By the way, wings will get the toys dirty. Nooooooo!
7. Just because it’s a vibrating toy and it’s turned on, doesn’t mean you should shove it down your pants. You’ve just ruined it for the rest of the people at the party who didn’t see it yet. And you’ve embarrassed your hostess big time.
8. When we do a bachelorette or birthday party for you and we only receive 3 small orders out of 20 people, it CAN cause us to leave a party feeling brokenhearted. We aren’t free entertainment. We’re moms and/or self-supporting women out to make some money for a good purpose. This is why you may call a consultant for such a party and she requests a deposit.
9. Bragging that you have this toy and that toy and this toy and that toy will not only tell the rest of the guests about your crazy toy-fueled sex life, but will tell us that you’d make a really good recruit. We WILL ask you if you’d like to join our team!
10. If you ask me if I’ll accept food stamps as payment don’t take offense to my long silence and confused stare. Eventually, it’ll come around to ask you if you’re interested in the business opportunity.